Thursday, February 8, 2007

Thursday Thirteen...Let's give it a try shall we?

13 Elementary School Teacher Realities

13. A morning without coffee is a day without mercy. The kids know this...and that's why we get stacks of Tim Horton's gift certificates on holidays.

12. Gotta pee? Too fricken bad. No class shall be left unattended. When the recess bell rings, it's like I am the gladiator running through a gauntlet of little bodies packed in snowsuits, swinging their arms every which way, kicking their indoor shoes off to put on their boots, mittens flying everywhere, and those unfortunate souls who still can't do up a zipper and stop me every time I've made a step closer to that washroom to say,"I can't zip it! It's stuck!"
"It's not stuck", I say. "You are wearing mittens!" Yes, I still zip it. I run for it with precious few minutes to spare (though you really shouldn't run in the hall).

11. Gotta pee? Part II: "Miss Green, phone call line 2, Miss Green." Oh, the dreaded-mysterious-who-could-it-be phone call. Did I mention, I still haven't peed?
-"Heloo, Miss Green speaking."
-"Hi, this is Mrs. Sonso, Sara's mom. I was wondering how she did on her audition for the school play?"
-"Well, we had our last one yesterday, but we have not yet made our selections."
-"Did she do alright? I mean with what her father has been through recently, she really wants to make it. You should have seen her practising and singing and trying so hard in her room. She can't wait."
-"Yes, I see. Well, we will have our selections up this week. Myself and the two other directors must go through the names still. I wish her luck." -"Oh she will be so happy if she makes it. I work all the time and only see her at night. Her father is still getting better and she needs cheering up."
-"Yes, well we won't know until later this week. Have a good day. I think the bell is going to ring, so I must go. Okay. Sure. Alright. Mhmmm. Yep. Okay. Bye bye now. Have a nice day. You too. Bye bye." AAAAAAArRRRR! Rrrrrriiiiiiinnggggg! Sweet Jesus!

10. Boogers on the face. Boogers on the fingers. Is that a booger on the chair?

9. Instant classroom clinic:
1 trash can
1 chair
a book or two
a box of kleenex
a drink of water

8. Children won't listen? Say whatever it is you want to say, but sing it!

7. Children are honest creatures. a)"Miss, how come you cut your hair? You were pretty when it was long." b) "My mom says you are going to feel pain when the baby comes." c) "Miss, I put Logan's mitten in the toilet because I felt like it." d) "I don't wanna say PLEASE. It takes too long." e)"Miss Green....I wuv you." (My personal fave.)

6. A hallway locker can double as a changing room.

5. Red Crayola Marker= Red Lipstick.

4. I miss Peanut Butter Sandwiches.

3. The trick to get them to move quicker (eg. when cleaning up activities, getting dressed to go home). Say: "On your mark, get set....go!" You can make anything a race.

2. Nothing is as it seems: a) a line is not a's a train. b) children don't sit in their spots, they sit in their special spaces. c) it's not a shoe bin, it's a magic shoe box. d)it's not "sit up straight", it's criss-cross apple sauce.

1. When I take a "mental health day" and stay home...I end up thinking about the kids and can't wait to see them tomorrow. I hope they missed me.


Heather said...

I like # 2 the best!

lilia said...

haha i love No. 7!! it's all true